Hyperfocus shopping!

Being an autistic ADHDer means my brain is basically running on two different operating systems at once. Sometimes they work beautifully together, other times… not so much. A perfect example? Online shopping.

Here’s the routine: I’ll sit down to “just quickly” look for a new jacket. Three hours later I’ve got 47 tabs open, I’ve compared materials, shipping times, reviews, YouTube unboxings, and the ethical supply chain of every brand. I could probably give a TED Talk on polyester versus organic cotton by the end of it.

That’s the hyperfocus kicking in—my ADHD brain locks onto the task like it’s a life mission. It feels exciting, purposeful, almost heroic. Meanwhile, my autistic side joins the party and says, “Let’s analyse every possible detail until we’re 100% certain we’ve found the perfect option.”

And then… I don’t buy anything.

Why? Because perfection never actually shows up. The sleeves are too short, the stitching looks off, the shipping is $15, or the brand once had a scandal in 2009. My autistic brain demands certainty, and my ADHD brain gets bored before we get there. The cart stays full, the bank account stays untouched, and I walk away with nothing but a headache and a mental fashion catalogue.

The funny thing is, I don’t even mind it anymore. Sometimes the browsing itself scratches the itch. It’s like window shopping, but turbo-charged. I get the dopamine rush of researching without the regret of an impulse buy.

So if you ever wonder why I always look like I’m wearing the same jacket, it’s not because I don’t want a new one. It’s because somewhere, in an open tab from six months ago, the perfect jacket still hasn’t passed my 42-step vetting process.